One of the feelings that comes with devastating losses is the ability to feel as though life is worth living and the loss of purpose in life. So, what you are feeling is right on point. “Desperate to live.”
Do I have any suggestions for you to survive? Yes, but they are not exact science.
The most important factors to living life is to, struggle to live. You can live and you can live life abundantly. It may not seem like it at first, but given enough time things begin to return to a NEW normal.
Go with your memories, they are many and many of them are wonderful. Honor your loved ones lives by remembering them in a healthy way. On their birthdays, remember. On their anniversaries, remember. Even on the day they left you, remember that day and honor them. A flower, a dinner, a poem or any other way you can think of, remember them.
These are a few thoughts that come to my mind; hopefully something will well up inside of you and come forward in its own way. Finally look around and notice how many people truly love you. If you have no one, go find a loving community such as a church family, or club and tell them what you need to live again.